And a Few Things I’ve Learned Along the Way
Healing from trauma is non-linear. It often takes us into the darkness before we find the light within.
We heal through relationship and connection.
But in an age of perfectionism and appearances, we’re fed ideas about healing that can keep us from healing—beliefs like:
- “I should be over this by now.”
- “If I relapse, I lose ALL the time I had.”
- “If I make a mistake, it means I haven’t really grown.”
- “If I’m not having profound, orgasmic, clouds-parting-and-God-speaking-to-me experiences, I must be doing something wrong.”
- “My path has been a zigzag, and others are on a straight line, so I must be doing something wrong.”
- “I still feel fear, grief, or rage—so I must not really be healed.”
- “Healing is a destination I will one day arrive at and acquire.”
- “Asking for help is a sign of weakness.”
- “I have to figure this out alone.”
- “I have to get rid of all negativity and fear in order to be truly healed.”
- “If I ignore it, it will go away.”
- “Safety is something I create by controlling the outside world—or other people.”
But what if none of that is true?
What if healing is a spiral—taking us in and out, up, and sometimes upside down?
What if the mistakes, the relapses, the messy middle are exactly what teach us the most?
What if traveling into the darkness with an open heart is what reveals to us that we are the light?
What I’ve found is that the most profound healing happens in community and connection.
That we are not meant to go it alone.
In my own life, I’ve been profoundly wounded in relationship—and I’ve also been deeply healed in relationship.
I’ve come to see that the relationships I have with others are always a reflection of the relationship I have with myself. Which means: the most important relationship I can ever heal… is the one I have with me.
And that kind of healing doesn’t happen all at once.
It happens through small, consistent choices.
Through showing up for myself in loving ways—repeatedly.
That’s the real work
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Photo by Michael & Diane Weidner on Unsplash
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